the underdog

Well one thing I though I’d never be caught doing alone, more or less bloging about, is watching a Rocky movie. I don’t know if my mom tossed me outside too much when I was little or what but I missed out on a bunch of the classic movies of the 80’s and thus never took to them. I always laughed at the Rocky series and refused to see them. But in defense of the 80’s I really have never liked “sports movies” in general. Don’t get me wrong I love sports but to me the movies always have the same boring plot and all too accurately timed one-liners.
But anyway, I found myself at home alone one night while Jer played in a volleyball game and decide out of boredom to pop in the latest Rocky and have my laughs at this poor old man trying to have another go at the same old plot. BUT let me tell you, I ate my words! There I was in the palm of the director’s hand shuddering at the gruesome training and rooting for the underdog! That Rocky, he’s pretty tough.
Like all inspirational movies this one got me thinking of my own life; about setting some goals and even longing for some grueling training myself. But that’s where I hit a problem: I seem to have a missing piece of the puzzle.
Ok, for example, I’ve noticed that Jerry and I are very different in these kinds of things (but we actually make a great team). Jerry has always been very confident in knowing what he wants and what his goals are but it’s less natural for him to stay the path and maintain focus.
I on the other hand can stay the monotonous path till there’s nothing left of me but have an extremely hard time figuring out what it is that I am trying to accomplish in the first place. I have in fact prayed many times that if God will just put me in the right lane and say, “On your marks, get set, go” then I would gladly run as hard as I could in the straightest path you’ve ever seen.
But alas, our all-knowing God figures as much about me and is trying to grow me by letting me find the starting point my self. And oh the analogies flow! What sport? Which race? How much does it cost? Do I have the right gear? Am I properly trained? Who will coach me? Will I be more annoying to them than a toothache? Would anyone want me on their team? Can I even figure out how to Mapquest the location in order to show up on time??!! And this is how my mind works. Before I even get going I’ve lost all steam.
And I am not even talking about the classic “who should I marry/what job do I take” questions. It’s deeper than that. It’s an overarching “how am I doing at life” question. In the past, I think I’ve taken to having goals in place cause they are somewhat of a distraction for the truth that I may not really know what I am doing at all! I know that my ultimate purpose is to bring glory to God but must admit that lots of the time I am not even really sure I know what that means.
Among all the confusion I do understand the word “complete.” I can only take hope that God, who more than understands my heart, will finish what he started and understands that I am but dust.
Dang, I kept hoping that this blog will end up something uplifting with the Rocky sound track playing behind it! My poor discipler! I have not found her yet but don’t think I am not praying her in!!